Christmas Wishes
by ksfd89
Summary: Short, season fic about Rory and Jess as children at Christmas. The first chapter is about Jess and the second chapter will be about Rory. Rated T for minor sexual reference. Feedback is always appreciated. Season's greetings everyone!
1. Chapter 1

It was cold. Icy winds zipped through his thin jacket, whipping through the canvas of shoes. Jess's fingers were cold inside his pocket but he didn't care. He didn't care because he was going to see Santa Claus.

Liz had promised. He'd told her all about how Jenny at school had talked about seeing Santa at the mall and for once his mother's eyes had brightened.

_Yeah_, she'd said, putting down the still-sparked lit of her strange cigarette. I went to see Santa when I was a kid, it was cool. _My mom took me_.

He'd watched her carefully. Jess knew that talking about Liz's mom was dangerous. It often ended with tears of a terrible kind. One day he had come home after learning about grandparents at school and asked Liz where her mom was and why she never talked about her. It had ended with screaming, Liz locking herself in her room and crying for three hours. Jess had waited outside for her. Sesame Street was on but he wasn't watching it. Eventually she had come out, red around the eyes and hugged him tightly, a sweet smell of liquor on her breath. She'd said she was sorry but whenever he tried to find out more about her mother the result was the same. Jess tried not to ask after that.

That day it seemed different. Liz was smiling and it was a different kind of the smile than the kind she had usually. It lit up her whole face and made her son smile too.

_Daddy had already taken Luke_, she added. _I don't know why I couldn't go but my mom said it was just us girls. I liked that. I got a hair ribbon and a candy cane and my mom tied it in my hair and I said looked pretty._

Jess waited to see if she would say anymore. She was silent for a while and then let out a laugh, making him spill the glass of milk he had poured.

_Of course, Daddy didn't notice_, she said. But _it didn't matter. It was my day with Mom._

She fell silent again and, just as Jess was ready to slip away and put on Sesame Street she smiled again.

_We can go see Santa, Jesse. Girls' day out!_

He's so happy that he doesn't bother correcting her that he's not a girl, for all he gets teased at school for having a girl's name. He asks when but that seems to annoy her so he runs to the television set without asking more. It doesn't matter that Liz won't say anymore, won't tell him when – he's going and that's all that matters.

Today's the day. Liz had brushed his hair when most days she doesn't even bother and zipped his jacket up tight. He's lost a mitten but it doesn't matter, he sticks the bare hand in his pocket and puts the other in Liz's. They are off and away and she's talking normally and walking steadily, when most days there's a wobble to her voice and a slip to her step.

The mall is warm. The iciness of the air melts as they step into the building and heat tickles at Jess's skin. He laughs out loud and Liz laughs too, sounding a little puzzled but chuckling all the same.

They walk for what feels like a long time, Liz stopping to stare at all the dresses in the shop and sighing about what she would do with money. She stares and stares at a red dress and Jess lets go of her hand and peels off his mitten from his sticky hand. Liz doesn't notice. She won't look away from the dress, or the shoes and snaps something irritable when Jess tries to ask where Santa is.

Jess, bored, walks away. There's a shop window right next to it with toys in the window, flashing with bright lights and colours. Jess presses his nose against the glass, longing for a toy truck or a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. All the kids at school have a turtle toy and Jess wants one too. He stares and stares until some big kid deliberately brushes against him, guffawing with laughter as he falls to the ground. Jess gets to his feet, unhurt although sore, and turns around. He can't see the kid and he can't see Liz but he can see a glittering building ahead, a lady clad in green and a sign saying _Santa._

Jess breaks into a run. He doesn't care about Liz, doesn't care about the toystore and doesn't care about his sore patch where he fell. This is where Santa lives, where he gave his mom a candy cane and a ribbon and Jess skids to a halt in front of the lady in green.

"Santa!" he cries up at her. The lady raises her eyebrows.

"Got your mommy and daddy with you?"

"I don't have a daddy," Jess tells her, which makes her raise her eyebrows even more. "My mommy's over there."

"Over there where?"

"By the dress," Jess says impatiently and then remembers the little he's been told about manners. "Please let me go see Santa? Please?"

"Do you have two dollars?" the lady asks and, just as his heart sinks and he shakes his head a booming voice inside says,

"Isn't it Christmas, after all? Let the boy in."

The lady looks disgruntled but she steps aside. Jess peeks round to see a man in a red suit and a white beard sitting on a big chair, a sack of gifts aside. His breath catches in his throat.

"You don't need to be shy," the man says kindly. "It's alright."

Jess believes him. He looks behind but Liz isn't there and he's scared that if he waits he won't be allowed in. Slowly, he steps into the grotto and up to where Santa is sitting. There's someone else dressed in green next to him but it's a man.

"Hello young man," Santa says. "Have you been a good boy this year?"

Jess shrugs. He's tried to be but he missed recess when he punched Nathan on the nose. Nathan had called his mother a slut. Jess didn't know what _slut_ meant but he knew it was something he deserved punching for. The teacher hadn't agreed.

"I'm sure you have," booms Santa. "You look like a good boy."

Jess looks down at his shoes. No one at school agrees.

"How old are you?"

"Six," Jess says in a small voice. Santa smiles.

"Wonderful age. What would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks, his eyes twinkling.

Jess looks down. There's lots of things he wants. He wants all the toys in the store window, the pair of rollerblades he saw a kid wearing in the park and an endless supply of candy. What he really wants, however, is Liz to be happy. He wants her to smile like she did today, looking okay, and he wants it to always be like this. He wants to see Uncle Luke again. He wants to stay in the same apartment, without of the guys Liz meets and he wants to make a friend. Jess doesn't know how to say any of that though and he can only look at Santa and feel shy.

"Not sure what you want?" Santa asks. Jess nods. "Well. Would you like a gift?"

Would he? Jess wants to say that he does but all that comes out is, "My mommy came to see Santa with her mommy and he gave her a candy cane and a ribbon."

Santa and the man start laughing but not in a cruel way. Not like Nathan and the other kids at school.

"I see," he says eventually. "I don't think I have that but I know I have a wonderful gift for you. Elf, will you look in my sack?"

Elf! That's why they're dressed in green. The elf reaches into the bag and hands something to Santa. He looks, nods in approval and hands it to Jess. He turns it over in his hands. It's flat and silver and flashes different colours when it catches the light. He slowly unwraps it. It's a book.

"Thank you," Jess whispers. He's not sure what he thinks. He really wanted a turtle or a truck but this is different and he likes books. He knew how to read before school, somehow, and all the books there are boring but this one looks interesting, like the ones at the library. It's long and there's a promise of magic inside and excitement starts to spark in his chest. He's never had his own book before.

"You're very welcome," Santa says. "Merry Christmas!"

He smiles at Jess again which makes a smile creep over his lips too. Santa's different from all the other grown-ups. He's not smoking or drinking, like Liz and her special friends, or mad at him all the time like the teachers and kids' moms at school. They're mad at him no matter what.

"Jess! Jesse!"

Jess whirls round to see Liz, frantic. She's breathing hard and when she sees him she grabs his shoulders.

"What were you thinking?"

"I wanted to see Santa," Jess says stubbornly. "He gave me a book, look!"

Liz glances down but doesn't look properly.

"You scared me!" she admonishes. "You're not supposed to wander off!"

Liz wandered off all the time, Jess wants to say. Like the Fourth of July party where she left him by the hotdog stand and he found her alone under a tree with a guy. He doesn't say any of this though and instead sulks, hugging the book to his chest.

"Now, now!" says Santa in a cheerful voice. "No harm done and it's Christmas after all!"

Liz is flustered, a blush spreading over her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she says, sounding almost as young as Jess. "God, I'm a – I'm sorry. And you let him see you. How much is it?"

"Two dollars," says the woman loudly. Jess doesn't think she sounds much like an elf. He thought they were supposed to smile.

Liz starts digging in her purse but Santa waves his hand at her.

"Keep it for something special."

"But –"

"It's Christmas," he says again. "Here –"

He has a tray beside him and he fetches two candy canes, one for Jess and one for Liz. She stares.

"No hair ribbons, I'm afraid," Santa says. Liz seems stunned.

"How did you – Jess?"

Jess hopes she won't get mad but instead a kind of smile spreads over her face.

"Thank you," she says sincerely. "I mean it, anything could've –"

"We wouldn't have let him walk out on his own," Santa says. "Go home and enjoy your gifts. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Liz whispers. Jess is about to say the same when suddenly he finds himself running over and hugging Santa tightly.

"Jess!"

Santa isn't annoyed. He chuckles and pats Jess on the head, wishes them a Merry Christmas once more and watches them walk away.

Jess starts reading his book the minute he gets home. It's cold in the apartment because Liz hasn't paid the heating bill but he doesn't care. He huddles under the blankets on his bed and reads all about a girl who can do magic and reads all the books in the world. He doesn't stumble over the hard words or get bored with the easy ones – he reads and reads and reads and Liz has to call him twice for dinner.

It's tinned spaghetti for dinner like it is most nights. Jess likes spaghetti though and cheerfully winds it round his fork.

"You're happy," Liz says fondly and Jess nods proudly.

"I like my book."

"You do, huh? I never read much, me or Luke."

"Is Uncle Luke coming for Christmas this year?"

"Probably not," Liz says sourly and she scowls when Jess asks,

"Can we go see him? I want to go to Netticut."

"Connecticut," Liz corrects. "And no. I don't have the money for gas."

"But –"

"My brother doesn't want to see me," Liz snaps. "I embarrass him."

Jess eats the rest of his dinner in silence. Uncle Luke is another subject he knows not to touch, it makes Liz mad and it's a shame. Uncle Luke came to see him once. He carried him around on his shoulders and said he looked just like his grandpa, whose middle name Jess owes. He doesn't see him much but Luke still sends a birthday present every year. He remembers Christmas too, though he never comes. Somehow he always gets a gift through, even though Santa was late last year. Liz said it was because they'd just moved.

Liz sighs and finishes her spaghetti, a sad look to her eye. Jess washes up without being asked and then he goes back to his book. He gets lost in the world of the girl and somehow he's aching with her when the other characters are mean. He wants her to be okay too.

Jess puts the book down when he hears a crash. Liz has dropped a plate but says,

"It's okay," as soon as he comes out of his room. "It was plastic, thank God."

Jess waits for her to pick it up and then says proudly,

"Liz, I know what I want to be when I grow up."

Liz laughs out loud at his eagerness.

"You do, huh?" she chortles. "Good for you kid, I can't figure out what I want to do when I grow up and I'm a quarter of a century. Depressing, huh?"

Jess nods. A quarter of a century sounds old, even though he heard Kevin's mom mutter that Liz was practically a child.

"So tell me," she says, sitting on the couch and patting beside her. "What do you want to be?"

Jess runs and sits beside her.

"I'm going to write books," he says firmly. "I'm going to write stories for kids just like me."

"Really?" Liz asks, a strangeness to her tone. "A _writer_? Well, you'd be the first in the family. Sometimes I screw up writing my own name."

"I'm going to be like the girl in the book," Jess says happily. "And I'm going to meet a girl like the one in the book. She's cool and smart and she can do magic."

Liz laughs out loud at this.

"Another first for the family! Us Danes are unlucky in love, kiddo, even with people who can do magic."

"My last name is Mariano!"

"Yeah, and that's not too lucky either," Liz sighs.

"How come I have a different name than you?" Jess asks and Liz smiles sadly.

"I thought it might bring you luck."

She squeezes Jess's hand and says he should have a bath before bed.

She's in a good mood tonight. She remembered dinner and bathtime and Jess is happy too, thinking about his book. After the bath Liz suggests sleeping in the big bed together and Jess is even happier. He used to always share her bed until she met some guy. Then he had to sleep on a sofa. He looked round the door at them once. It looked like they were wrestling without any clothes.

Jess has his own bed now but it still feels weird. He feels safer, sleeping beside Liz. She can't disappear like she does some mornings and he holds her hand tight. She rolls over in bed, already sleeping and Jess remembers something. He runs back into his own room and gets the book and a pencil. He picks up a flashlight as well and hurries back to Liz's bedroom. A glance out of the window shows it is snowing. He doesn't like writing as much as reading but he switches his flashlight on all the same. Carefully, so as not to wake Liz, he remembers the word Liz used. He puts pencil to page and scribes in the margins, _Ime going to be a riter_. He smiles, flicks through the page to an illustration of the girl who has long brown hair. Beside it he writes _Ime goin to mary you._

He closes the book and switches off the flashlight. Liz is breathing heavily beside him and Jess closes his eyes. The day swarms sleepily before his eyes: the mall, the hair ribbon, Santa and the book, the wonderful story. He thinks of the girl. He thinks of how he wants to write a story about her too and wonders where she is. He wonders if he should learn how to do magic. He pictures them together, writing books and making magic and closes his eyes in a Christmas wish.

_I'm going to be a writer. I'm going to marry you._


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for your kind comments! I hope you all had wonderful Christmases and, if you don't celebrate Christmas, had a peaceful holiday season. Happy New Year!**

It's a cold winter evening. The air is chilled, it's nearly Christmas and Rory Gilmore, ten years old, sits in the living room of her brand new home watching the news.

Rory curls up on the couch. It feels cool having a television. She and Lorelai were allowed to watch the TV in the inn whenever they wanted but it wasn't quite the same. Rory never felt that she could just walk in, turn it on and watch without asking. It never felt theirs and now they've got one; their own TV which means Rory can watch the news whenever she feels like it.

The camera pans across a broken village. People are screaming, rubble is falling and Rory stares at the screen. She doesn't understand what's happening but she wants to. She wants to know why the war is tearing across Europe and when it's going to stop. The world has descended into chaos but you'd never know it in Stars Hollow.

"Honey, it's time for bed."

"Just a sec, Mom," Rory says distractedly. "I just want to finish watching this report."

"Freak," Lorelai teases, leaning over her shoulder but then she frowns. "Sweetie, this is sad."

"Of course it's sad, it's a war."

"Exactly. Why do you want to watch it?"

"I want to know," Rory explains. "I want to know why it's happening. Why are they fighting, Mom?"

"I don't know," Lorelai says, sounding tired. "It's political."

"What does that mean? Is it like how you yell about Republicans?"

"No – yes – it's different. I don't know how."

Rory frowns at her and Lorelai sighs.

"Kid, I'm hardly the best person for information about political conflict."

"You know what would be a good source of information?" Rory teases hopefully. "Picture encyclopaedias!"

"You know, you look like me, you talk like me, but our ways are so different. Go to bed."

Rory nods but stops at the woman presenting some information on the screen.

"Who's that?"

Lorelai pauses and looks around.

"I don't know," she says, just as a name flashes across the screen: Christiane Amanpour. "There, that's who she is."

"What does she do?"

"Presents the news!" Lorelai exclaims, switching the TV off. "Go brush your teeth."

Rory goes up to the bathroom, brushes her teeth and washes her face before heading back down to find Lorelai staring out of the window, pushing it open.

"Mom? What are you doing?"

"I can smell it!" Lorelai exclaims as her daughter joins her. "Snow!"

"It isn't snowing, Mom," Rory says and her mother sighs. "It hasn't snowed all winter."

"It's going to. Take a breath of that air!"

Rory unwillingly sticks her head out into the chilled night sky. It doesn't seem different to any other night this winter.

"Mom, all I can feel is cold," she says, leaning back in. "I think this is something only you can smell."

"No!" Lorelai exclaims. "I know you could smell if it you tried!"

"Mom, the only thing I can smell is the food from Al's Pancake World we dumped after dinner."

"I'm ashamed to have you for a daughter," Lorelai scolds, pushing the window shut. "No sense of –"

"Smelling frozen water particles?"

"Go to bed, smartypants. I know it's going to snow tonight."

Rory kisses her mother, skips across the hall and into her bedroom where she changes into her pyjamas. Lorelai said she was crazy for choosing to sleep downstairs but it feels more comfortable. Rory is used to a house without stairs and likes being at the bottom of the house. Lorelai tried to tempt her with the other bedroom, saying it made more sense to sleep upstairs but Rory wouldn't budge. Lorelai was bemused but didn't argue and the two had had fun fixing the place up and painting the walls. Rory has attached two posters of places she wants to travel to and is saving up for more. She wonders if she will ever go to all the places she dreams of.

The room is small but all Rory needs. She uses the drawers for storage space, her boxes of books stored there and under her bed. Lorelai had a point when she remarked that Rory needed a room just for her books. It feels kind of weird not sharing a room with her mother anymore but she has to admit that having her own space is nice. Someplace which is just hers.

The next day is going to be Christmas Eve. Rory hugs her knees under the pink blanket. It all feels different this year, even though nothing has really changed. They're still eating their main Christmas meal on Christmas Eve at the inn and going to the grandparents' on Christmas Day before rounding off the whole thing with a meal at Luke's in the evening. Rory can't wait to go to Hartford and her mother dreads it. She hopes her father will be there and can't tell if Lorelai wants him there or not.

A hand shakes Rory's shoulder.

"Mmrph," Rory groans, blinking. She groggily looks up at her mother and rolls over again as she exclaims,

"Rory, it's snowing!"

"Go away."

"I most certainly will not go away! You won't make me watch the first snow on my own, I won't allow it. Come on, I've made you a cup of cocoa and it's getting cold."

"Yeah," Rory says sarcastically, getting out of bed. "Because that'll really keep me warm on the front step."

"Ouch! Being woken up does not become you. There's doughnuts too, Grumpy."

"I'm not Grumpy," Rory sniffs as she pulls on her robe and slippers. Lorelai laughs.

"Really, because you do an excellent impression of a dwarf."

Rory can't be sulky once they're sitting on the step. She's got a coat and boots on over her robe and slippers, a mug of warm cocoa in one hand and a doughnut in the other. Lorelai wraps her arm around her and they watch the whirling white. It's worth being dragged out of bed for.

"You were right," Rory remarks, eating her doughnut.

"I was right," Lorelai says with satisfaction. "I knew it."

"Yes, you did."

"Sorry I woke you up."

"That's okay," Rory says, swallowing the last of her cocoa. "Feels different watching the snow from here instead of the inn."

"Different?" Lorelai echoes, sounding mildly anxious. "Bad different?"

"Not _bad_ different," Rory shrugs. "Just different."

Lorelai hesitates and then asks,

"Do you like it here, Rory? Did you mind moving?"

"Mom, you've talked about needing a house my whole life."

"I know I have, but what about you? Do you like this house?"

Rory stops and looks around at the new home behind them.

"Yes, I like it," she says eventually. "It doesn't feel like my home the same way the inn does, but I'll give it a chance. I like it so far. I like it a lot."

Rory can't help smiling at her mother's look of relief.

"Good," she says, squeezing her into a hug. "Because I couldn't be happy if you weren't."

"I am happy, Mom," Rory says seriously. Lorelai exhales and hugs her tighter.

"Merry Christmas Eve, sweets."

"Merry Christmas Eve, Mom."

They sit in silence and watch the soft snow fall.

"Time to get up!"

Rory groans and burrows under the covers. It feels like she fell asleep moments ago and it's already morning. They've got to go to the inn where Lorelai will work all day, helping the few customers who've come to stay, before eating a Christmas dinner. Rory's on winter break and is free to do her own thing, as long as Lorelai knows where she is, but she usually stays to help out. Lorelai's just had a promotion so she doesn't have to do only maid work this year.

Rory pulls on her new dress of blue velvet and makes her way with her mother to the inn, the place she still calls home. Her mother is wearing a dress of dark satin which Rory hasn't seen before. Rory yearns to know how her mother found the money but knows not to ask after Lorelai breezily says she's a wizard – or should it be witch? – with the sewing machine. They drive carefully to the inn, which looks like a picture postcard, and Rory looks longingly out of the window. The town has been transformed by the soft blanket of new snow and Rory can barely wait to play in it. Her mother tells her to hold off until after work but Rory sneakily steps onto the grass beside the inn's entrance when Lorelai isn't looking. The snow seeps through the soft material of her shoe, freezing her foot, but Rory doesn't mind. The outline is perfect on the snow.

The inn is very empty. Rory helps Lorelai dust some rooms but it doesn't take long and then Lorelai has to do something on the computer. Rory pesters Michel to let her sit in his chair and write in the ledger but even after he gives in and lets her it's not that much fun. Rory sits in the chair and swivels, imagining she's the manager, but when a couple come in and laugh at how darling she is Rory quickly leaves, much to Michel's joy. She's sitting in the corner, reading _A Christmas Carol_, when suddenly the door opens and someone much younger calls her name.

"Lane!" Rory shrieks, making Michel scowl again. "Sorry Michel. What are you doing here?"

"Mama went to church," Lane says, tugging at her heavy skirt. "She said they're working on a service for adult sins, whatever that means, and I couldn't listen. Either way, I got to come hang out with you and give you this."

She hands out something wrapped in plain paper and blushes as Rory exclaims,

"Lane, you didn't have to!"

She unwraps it and then says,

"Huh."

She holds up the book: _Biblical Lessons for the Young Lady Going Astray_.

"I'm sorry," Lane says, sounding embarrassed. "It's the only Kim approved Christmas present she'd let me give."

"Lane, it's okay," Rory says quickly, looking at the back cover. "I mean, it's a book and I like books..."

She reads the back and can't think of anything else to say. The book warns of sins with men and perils of makeup and Rory raises her eyebrows.

"I didn't think we were young women."

"Tell me about it," Lane says gloomily. "I know I'll be the only teenager in Connecticut who never gets boobs."

"I doubt that. Do you think I have any?"

"No, but you'll get some and that's the difference."

The girls giggle guiltily and Lane adds,

"Mama says you can give it to Lorelai. She says you should both read it."

"Why?"

"Because your mother's unmarried," Lane tells her, looking around in case Lorelai is there. "And has done something _depraved_."

"I'll pass the message on," Rory promises, grinning. "Hey, do you want to go in the kitchen?"

Children aren't allowed in the inn's kitchen but there's an exception for Rory and Lane. Sookie makes them put on aprons and lets them taste five different kinds of chocolate sauce until Lane says she feels sick. Sookie hastily puts the spoon away and says they shouldn't have any more.

Lane has to go after that anyway. Rory goes to the desk where she's been storing Lane's present and blushes slightly as she hands it over. It's only a small packet of sparkled hair ties, not a book or a CD Lane would really like. Rory saved up her allowance for weeks but she still had hardly any left over after buying for her mother, Sookie and Luke. Rory watches carefully as Lane unwraps the paper, also sparkled, and is relieved as a smile spreads over her friend's face.

"I'm sorry it's not a Cure album or anything," Rory starts to say but Lane shakes her head and instantly fixes the hair ties in her hair before running to look in the mirror.

"Are you kidding? These are awesome. Mama never buys me stuff like this, she says it creates foolishness in women. I'm totally wearing these to school when we go back."

"If you get bad grades, don't blame them on me."

"Oh, no way. Maybe Alex Buckus will look at me now. Do you think he's cute?"

Lane sounds wistful and there's a dreamy look to her face. Rory tries not to giggle and asks,

"How so?"

"Well, he has very nice ears. If I get married my husband will have to have good ears."

"I'll tell people that at your wedding," Rory teases and the girls dissolve into giggles until Mrs Kim arrives to pick Lane up. Lane hastily hides the hair ties and wishes Rory a Merry Christmas. Rory watches her friend walk away, remembering how the hair ties sparkled in her hair and smiles to herself. It's hard to picture either of them getting married.

At lunchtime they all eat Christmas dinner, cooked by a rather harassed Sookie and a terrified team of chefs. Sookie cheers up as they sit down though and the turkey tastes better than ever. It's a sad Christmas because Mia announced that she will be leaving next year and Rory cannot help thinking, as she eats her delicious dinner, that this is the year in which every thing is changing and nothing is staying the same.

"What's wrong?" Mia asks gently, noticing that Rory is sad. She smiles, shakes her head but Mia guesses the reason.

"I'm going to miss you too," she says to Rory. "But don't think I won't come back and visit. I'll have to keep an eye on the place."

"That's what Stuart said last year when he switched schools. We've never seen him since."

"Ah, but am I Stuart?" Mia asks, a twinkle to her eye. "No, I'm not. I'm going to be pestering you until you're all grown up and after that."

Rory laughs in spite of herself and puts down her fork.

"I can't imagine being grown up," she admits. Mia sighs.

"It's what everyone says and then the next thing they know they've left school and getting married. Or getting a career, in my case."

"Which is better?" Rory asks and Mia smiles.

"I'd advise having a career but it's wonderful to be in love."

"Could I have both?"

"Of course you could. What do you want to do when you grow up?"

Rory frowns and looks at her plate for a moment.

"I saw a woman on the news last night," she says. "Her name was Christiane Amanpour – do you know what she does?"

To her surprise, Mia nods.

"She's a political journalist and reporter."

"Then," Rory says with satisfaction, "I'd like to be that."

"I think that's a very smart decision," Mia says fondly. "And I'm sure one day it will be you on the news."

"She has to go to Harvard, first," Lorelai cuts in and everyone laughs, making Rory blush.

"Of course," Mia says. "I don't expect anything less."

Rory smiles and Mia tucks some hair behind her ear.

"This will always be my home," she tells her gently. "And yours too, no matter where you go. Remember that."

They leave two hours early because it's Christmas Eve. Everyone is out, enjoying the snow, and as soon as they get home Lorelai and Rory change into jeans and sweaters and race out to the gazebo where the entire town in having a snowball fight. It goes on for hours and ends only when Kirk has retreated to a fortress he's built out snow to try and protect himself from Gypsy's incessant attacks. The structure is not very sound and Rory hears Kirk wail plaintively as a wall collapses onto him, causing more damage than any snowball. Luke emerges with some cups of cocoa, tells them they're all crazy and digs Kirk out. It's dark by the time they walk home and Lorelai lights the fire. They start a move marathon of all the best Christmas movies and Lorelai falls asleep halfway _through It's a Wonderful Life_. Rory gently places a blanket around her and dozes off as well, her hand halfway to the bag of marshmallows.

It's late when they wake. Lorelai moans, looks at the clock and moans again at the time.

"Jeez, it's nearly midnight! Kid, you've got to go to bed before Santa gets here."

"You know, you could just give me the presents," Rory says shrewdly. "Santa's not exactly sly at sneaking around. I remember last time he stubbed his toe and yelled in a voice just like yours."

"Hush, child," Lorelai says in a mock-offended voice. "Don't talk that way or Santa will get mad and you won't get any presents!"

"Oh, sure."

"Do you want to make him mad?"

"Let me stay up until midnight," Rory begs. "Please?"

"Well...okay," Lorelai concedes. "Just this once."

They sit up until it strikes twelve and cheer, celebrating Christmas with a marshmallow each.

"Merry Christmas, Mom."

"Merry Christmas, kid."

"I'm going to go to bed," Rory says, getting up. "Hopefully Santa won't fall over the bed this time and land on me."

"Hey, how would you like to open a present now?" Lorelai asks and Rory stops in surprise.

"Really?"

"Well, it's really Christmas, it's after midnight. Just one present, as we stayed up so late."

Beaming, Rory settles back down on the couch and lets Lorelai hand her a heavy gift. She frowns, unwraps it and lets out a shriek to wake all of Stars Hollow.

"The picture encyclopaedias I asked for! Mom!"

"So you like them?"

"Look at the section on the solar system! Mom, this is the best present ever, you're the best mom ever!"

"I figured you needed them if you want to be smart enough to go to Harvard," Lorelai says, grinning at her daughter's joy. "Merry Christmas, sweets."

Rory can't say anything but hugs Lorelai tightly, the books of knowledge heavy in her lap.

They get up late on Christmas Day. They eat candy for breakfast and stay in their pyjamas until past noon, opening gifts and eating the movie food from last night. Lorelai fixes the brooch of a bird Rory got for her on her pyjama top and grins as Rory pores over the encyclopaedias, lost to the world. She finds the section Eastern Europe and reads about how the wars there are splitting up what used to be Yugoslavia. Rory reads the description over and over yet it's not very long and doesn't really answer her questions. She vows to start watching the news every night.

Lorelai and Rory are both miserable when it's time to go to Grandma and Grandpa's. Rory looks longingly at her books as her mother brushes her hair and smooths down her dress. Lorelai puts on the dress she wore yesterday and carefully pins the brooch back on, looking at herself resignedly in the mirror. They leave at four, Lorelai grumbling the entire way and Rory distinctively hears the phrase 'Irish coffee' as they make their way through the fancy gate.

Emily and Richard's house is a world away from Lorelai's, from any house in Stars Hollow, even the Twickham house. It's grand and decadent and almost as big as a castle. It's too bad they only go there on holidays. Rory walked round it last time, after going to the fancy bathroom, and she mentioned to her mother that she wished they could live someplace as cool. She wished she hadn't after, when her mother turned her face away and didn't talk for the rest of the journey. Rory was certain she had seen a tear on her cheek.

She won't make this mistake this year. She silently admires the stonework around the door while her mother rings the bell and suddenly her grandmother throws open the door, exclaiming,

"There you are! Come in, come in, we're all here!"

"_We're_?" Lorelai echoes suspiciously. "I hope you just mean you and Dad."

Emily grins and leads the way through. It's not just her and Grandpa. Christopher is sitting on the sofa with a glass of white wine and he stands up as soon as they come through.

"Hey!" he says happily. "The Gilmore Girls!"

Rory runs up to him without thinking and flings herself into his arms.

"Daddy!" she shrieks and Christopher sweeps her up and places a kiss on her head.

"Still not too big for that?" he asks fondly and Rory shakes her head.

"You didn't tell me you were coming," she says, pretending to be annoyed and Lorelai adds with a wry laugh,

"That's right, Chris, you didn't tell us you were coming. I didn't hear a word."

Rory glances back at her mother, knowing she's annoyed, but Christopher just laughs.

"You know how it is, Lor. I didn't know if I could get back."

"No, Christopher, I don't know how it is," Lorelai says coolly. "Because I have a regular job and I know where I have to be and I can't just hop on my motorcycle."

Christopher opens and shuts his mouth. Before he can try to form a reply Richard says brightly,

"All's well that ends well. Lorelai, can I fetch you and Rory a drink?"

He gives Lorelai wine and Rory a Coke. She drinks it too fast and the bubbles go up her nose. The fizziness of the soda reflects her excitement and she asks her father,

"How long are you staying for, Daddy?"

Christopher laughs and looks at his wine.

"I'm not sure, kiddo."

"You're not going home straightaway, right?" Rory asks eagerly. "Why don't you come to Stars Hollow tomorrow? You haven't seen our new house and I have my own room!"

"Rory," Lorelai interrupts in a warning voice but Christopher laughs again.

"Sweetie, let's not make any plans yet, okay? It's Christmas, let's just enjoy today."

"Okay," Rory says, feeling mildly disappointed. She wants to ask further, demand why her father never comes to see her and doesn't want to see her new home but she sips her drink instead. She knows her father must be very busy – why else would he be unsure about his plans? She knows he loves her, it's Christmas Day and she tries to shake the hurt that's flickering inside.

Lorelai glowers throughout dinner. She barely eats the turkey which is really very good nor the apple tarts which Rory knows are her favourites. She glares across the table at Christopher who is eating heartily, pinching Rory's cheeks and telling her how much she has grown. Rory is enjoying the attention and feels a stab of anger at her mother who is spoiling it.

"So Emily, tell me," Christopher says, turning away from Rory and smiling. "What have you been doing this winter? I'm sure you've got some great tales to tell."

"Oh Christopher, you're the one with stories!"

"Not ones to rival the DAR," Christopher says smoothly, making Emily giggle. "I know I'm right."

"I went to a party the other night," Emily tells him. "For the Hartford Community and the most ghastly child was there. She kept asking everyone what they thought of the Christmas story and if Jesus was anything more than a nice Jewish boy with a hammer. No one knew what to say."

Christopher laughs and shakes his head.

"I can't imagine that, Emily."

"She was a persistent little thing," Emily says, cutting the last of her tart. "She was named after a city – London or Rome or something. She told me she thought Christmas presents were a crock and kids never got anything for Hanukkah. She certainly was the topic of the evening. I'm so glad Rory's not like that."

Rory deliberately puts a large piece of food in her mouth so she isn't expected to reply. The girl sounds a little scary and she's relieved that her only friend is Lane, who never even raises her voice.

"Well," Emily says happily, looking at Christopher, Lorelai and Rory. "If you three don't make a beautiful family I don't know what does."

Lorelai coughs and excuses herself to the bathroom. Rory feels happy and sad all at once.

After dinner they exchange gifts. Rory feels guilty not having anything for her father but Lorelai wouldn't let her spend her money 'in case'. Rory bought Luke a present and, for a moment, madly decides on giving it to her father instead and then finds she can't. She sits guiltily but no one notices and Christopher insists on giving his gift to Rory first. She unwraps it to find a music box and she hugs her father so tightly that he laughs and says,

"Want to let your dad breathe?"

Rory relinquishes him and he grins, massaging his neck.

"You like it then?"

"I love it, Daddy."

Rory looks up from winding it up to see Lorelai's face. She's smiling yet there is a worried look in her eyes. She watches the ballerina in the box spin and doesn't say a word.

It's time for the other gifts. Lorelai's bought her mother and father perfume and beer and they give her a bracelet. Rory gets a jewellery box too and she gasps as she opens it to see a pearl necklace.

"Real pearls, too," Emily says proudly. "Only the best for our girl."

"Thank you," Rory can only whisper. She goes and hugs her grandparents and Lorelai says,

"It's terribly generous of you."

"We wanted something special for Rory."

"Mom, it's too much."

Rory hesitates between putting the necklace on and looks at her mother and grandmother. Lorelai looks stubborn and Grandma folds her arms.

"It's Christmas, Lorelai," she says angrily. "Let Rory enjoy her gift. For heaven's sake, we barely see the child. You won't let us."

Lorelai gets up and Rory can see that her eyes are bright.

"Excuse me," she says. "I'm going to get a Coke."

"Lorelai!"

She follows her daughter to the hall. Richard looks around and makes a remark about going to his study, leaving father and daughter alone. They look at each other and suddenly have nothing to say.

Christopher winds up Rory's music box over and over, looking uncomfortable. The music is pretty but repetitive and Rory eventually gets up and tiptoes to the door. Christopher doesn't try to stop her. He doesn't notice.

"For goodness sake," she hears Emily says. "Must you always overreact like this?"

"Overreact? I thought we were coming for a nice, simple Christmas meal – simple in your way, at least. I did not expect Christopher and pearl necklaces for my kid!"

"You act like my present was a bad thing," Emily sniffs. "What's wrong with a pearl necklace?"

"Mother, she's ten years old! The only necklaces she needs are ones made from gum wrappers!"

"She needs something of worth!" Emily snaps. "She certainly won't get that from you – what is that you've got pinned on your dress, it looks like something you would find at a carnival!"

Rory feels like she's been slapped. It took her weeks to save up for the brooch and she got it at the Saturday market.

"Rory gave it to me for Christmas," Lorelai says icily and there's an awkward silence.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"I think the brooch is beautiful and so does Rory. She doesn't need expensive necklaces to understand value and certainly not the kind you mean. She's never going to be able to wear that necklace and she definitely doesn't need it!"

"So I can't give her something nice, something valuable, is that it?" Emily demands. "You won't let me see the child, feed her, clothe her, do any of the things I was willing to do and now I can't even give her a necklace! One thing to show that her grandmother loves her!"

"Oh Mom, don't start!"

"Start what?" Emily demands. "I loved that little girl and you took her away."

"I let you see her!"

"You ran away from us and wouldn't take a dime!"

"I needed to be independent, Mom! I don't want to owe you anything!"

"You're too proud to ever take money," Emily sniffs. "I would hate to imagine how you would feel if you did owe us."

"I never will!"

"No, you made sure of that when you were a child yourself! You took Rory away from me and her father."

"Don't you dare say that," Lorelai says sharply. "I have always let Christopher have as much access to Rory as he wanted. He's the one who decides to jump from state to state on his motorcycle and constantly let down his daughter!"

"If you'd got married –"

"If we'd got married everything would have been worse," Lorelai says decisively. "We were kids, we were sixteen years old! Trapping each other in a loveless marriage would have been bad for everyone, especially for Rory."

"I don't believe you ever stopped loving each other," Emily contradicts. "And it's good for Rory to have a father."

"Yes, one who wants to be there!" Lorelai says savagely and a breath catches in Rory's throat. "Why didn't you tell us he was coming, Mom? Why didn't let me prepare Rory?"

"It's bad that he's here? You three look so perfect."

"It's bad because it's a surprise. He's got Rory's hopes up and I'm going to have to deal with a devastated kid tomorrow when he's gone."

"You don't know that's true," Emily says but her voice is doubtful and Lorelai snorts. Rory bites her lip and wishes she had never started to listen.

"Mom, I have ten years and nine months to back me up."

There's a pause and Emily says,

"It was a surprise to all of us. What were we supposed to do, turn him away on Christmas Day?"

"You didn't know he was coming?" Lorelai asks incredulously. "He just showed up?"

"He said something about Straub and Francine and an argument –"

"So you took him in and didn't say a word to us!"

"It was a surprise!" Emily exclaims. "And we all love Christopher!"

"Really? When he got me pregnant you and Dad didn't love him so much!"

"Lorelai Gilmore, you have a ten-year-old in the next room, watch your language," Emily says in a low, furious voice. "It's too late for you but not for that girl and you're corrupting her already!"

"Corrupting her?" Lorelai laughs bitterly. "You never talked about things like that with me and look where I ended up."

"Of course it's our fault," Emily snaps. "It always is. Don't come running to me when your little girl grows up to be just as uncontrollable as you and gets pregnant!"

"Rory will not get pregnant," Lorelai says furiously. "I'm not going to hide uncomfortable subjects, make her feel like she can't come to me. She's insanely smart and intelligent and she's not throwing all that away."

"No," Emily says simply. "I can tell. Look around, Lorelai. She belongs. She's part of this world."

There's a silence and then Lorelai says dangerously,

"She'll never be part of this world. She'll never forget who she is and she'll never have to run away from me."

"Lorelai –"

"Merry Christmas, Mom," Lorelai says, and there's a definite tear to her voice. "I'll call at New Year's."

"Lorelai!"

Rory runs back to the living room before anyone can see her. Lorelai storms back into the room and picks up all their stuff.

"Rory, let's go!"

Rory grabs all her gifts, knowing not to argue, and hugs her father goodbye.

"See you, kid."

"When?" Rory demands and he smiles sadly.

"Soon."

"How soon?" Rory asks eagerly. "Tomorrow? The day after?"

"Not tomorrow or the day after," Christopher says, making her heart sink. "Soon."

"But Daddy –"

"Your mom wants you," Christopher interrupts. "Merry Christmas, sweetie."

Rory tries not to show how sad she feels and swallows the lump in her throat.

"Merry Christmas, Dad."

Lorelai drives like a bat out of hell. Rory cradles the music box in her lap, the pearls safe inside and only dares look at her once they get back to Stars Hollow.

"Do I have to give the pearls back, Mom?"

Lorelai exhales and smiles at her.

"No," she says slowly. "You should keep them. It's nice to have something special from Grandma. I'm sorry I got mad."

"Thanks, Mom," Rory says, looking down at them. "They're beautiful and so's my music box but I like my encyclopaedias more."

Lorelai sniffles, leans over and hugs Rory so tightly it hurts.

"I love you kid, you know that?"

"Yeah, I had a pretty good idea," Rory smiles. "I love you too."

Lorelai laughs and wipes at her wet eyes. She takes the pearls out of the music box, fixes them around Rory's neck and smiles.

"Let's go to Luke's!"

Luke's is supposed to be closed on Christmas Day but he opens just for them. The diner looks almost beautiful in the dark with lights shining on the snow, casting colour everywhere. Luke prepares them a table in the corner and serves them burgers and fries. He looks at them in their fancy dresses and pearls and bursts into laughter.

"Only the finest Christmas dinner for the smartest ladies in the room."

"Rory and I aren't ladies," Lorelai remarks, reaching for the ketchup. "And if eating burgers on Christmas Day is wrong I don't want to be right."

He laughs again and sits by Rory after Lorelai goes to the bathroom.

"That's a very pretty necklace."

"Thanks," Rory says, looking at them. "My grandmother gave it to me."

"She has very fine taste."

"Yeah. My dad gave me a music box. It's really cool."

"Your dad was there?" Luke echoes. His tone sounds different somehow but Rory can't place it. "I'm glad he saw you at Christmas."

Rory nods and suddenly feels sad. She remembers the fight about her father, who won't see her tomorrow or the next day and can only promise _soon._ She bites her lip. Somehow she's glad the music box is back in the jeep and not where she has to look at it.

Luke seems to notice and coughs, going to the back room and giving her something.

"Here. As it's Christmas and all."

Rory unwraps it to find _Jane Eyre_ and she squeaks, hugging Luke so hard she forgets about the music box and the sadness with it.

"How did you know?"

"Your mom mentioned it," Luke says awkwardly. "I don't know if it's any good or not, it looks good..."

"It's my first Brontë! I love it!"

Luke laughs at her happiness and Rory picks the small gift she hid in Lorelai's bag.

"Merry Christmas, Luke."

"What's this?" Luke asks, opening it. "Rory, you shouldn't have wasted your allowance!"

"I didn't waste you, you get gifts at Christmas," Rory grins. He laughs and then smiles at the gift: a pin in the shape of a leaf which is a twin to her mother's bird.

"I got it to go with Mom's," Rory says in a small voice, wondering if Luke hates it, thinks it's like something from a carnival. Her fears are dissolved as he smiles, fastens it to his jacket and says seriously,

"I love it. Thank you, Rory."

He leans over and hugs her and suddenly Emily's dislike of the other brooch doesn't matter anymore. Rory swallows the lump which has oddly reappeared in her throat and is suddenly thankful to be here and not back with her father in Hartford. She can't believe she considered giving him Luke's present and somehow knows he wouldn't wear it quite as proudly. Lorelai comes back and Luke pretends to be annoyed when she hands him her gift after he said he didn't want anything. They can tell he's secretly pleased when he sees the shirt Lorelai got him and says she didn't have to. Then Luke goes to the back and gives Lorelai her present, a new purse. She hugs Luke and kisses his cheek, making him embarrassed, and then spies Sookie outside. She runs to show it to her and Rory and Luke are left alone.

"So," Rory says after a shy pause. "How's your day been?"

She always wonders what Luke does on Christmas Day. They only ever see him in the evening.

Luke shrugs.

"Like any other day. I spoke to my sister, that was about it."

Rory sits up, interested.

"I never knew you had a sister."

Luke scratches his head, embarrassed.

"Yeah, Liz, she's two years younger."

"Do you get along?"

"I guess...we don't talk all that much. She left home as soon as she could."

"How come?"

"She never liked it here much, after Mom died and all...she lives in New York now. She's got a kid, too, he's around your age."

Rory stares, shocked that she never knew he was a uncle to a kid her age.

"Do you ever see them?"

"Sometimes...I go down every few months or so, just to see they're okay. They move around a lot, Liz never liked to settle..."

Luke's voice trails off and Rory bites her lip, sensing that this is a sensitive subject. He gets up suddenly and goes into the back room again, emerging with a photo.

"Here they are," Luke says, pointing at a picture of a blonde woman and a skinny boy with unruly black curls. "That was taken last year – Liz and Jess."

Rory looks at the mother and son. The woman is grinning and clutching her son's hand but he isn't smiling for the camera. He doesn't look unhappy, exactly, or angry. His expression is unreadable and Rory spies a book in his hand.

"He loves to read," Luke says suddenly. "Just as much as you, if you can believe it. Don't know where he got it from but the kid's smart."

Rory looks at the photo and smiles.

"I'd like to meet him."

"Maybe you can, someday. I think you'd get along."

"I think so too."

Rory smiles at Luke and silently thinks that Jess looks just as good as Alex Buckus. She will never tell Lane.

The door jangles and Lorelai comes in, making them jump.

"Sorry to interrupt the party," she says breathlessly. "I want to run around the whole town with this bag."

"Is anything going to stop you?"

"No, but I need coffee and fries first."

"You'll drop dead from that will do to your system before you get to the first block."

"Lighten up, Scrooge, it's Christmas," Lorelai retorts. "Pour me some coffee."

"I don't know why I enable you the way I do..."

"Because you love me the way I am."

Lorelai stops herself, blushes and looks at Luke. He's blushing too, stopping mid-pour and smiling and Rory laughs out loud without knowing why. She remembers the way her grandmother looked at her, Lorelai and Christopher and said the three of them looked right but Rory privately disagrees. This is what feels right, she thinks silently: the three of them in the diner where she's gone her whole life and where she's always felt safe. Her father is constantly coming and going but Luke is always there, bickering with her mother and pouring her coffee and giving Rory _Jane Eyre _for Christmas. Rory looks at the photo again, smiling to herself. She wants to meet Jess. She wants to know what he's thinking, what he's reading and when he will come to Connecticut. She knows they have so much to talk about.

Rory sits back in her seat, Lorelai kisses her cheek and Luke smiles at them both. The world's being torn apart but here it is warm and safe and secure. Rory wants to suspend the moment forever, before she grows up, becomes the woman she wants to be and falls in love. Life feels peaceful and she closes her eyes, breathing the promise of it all in. _Merry Christmas._


End file.
